Equestria's Outlander
by D.D Anon
Summary: Earth is a world of pain and sadness, or at least that's how Jakob sees it. A brony with a desperate passion for a simpler life, he wishes to live in Equestria, where happiness reigns and spirits are free. Little does he know his wish is to come true...
1. Awakening

Equestria's Outlander

Chapter 1

**I lived in a dark world**, where peace is almost completely absent and millions die every day. Violence is common, and the zombie-like inhabitants live out scheduled lives as they conform to their routines with closed minds. Art is rare, and is often dismissed as weird or deranged. The people were dissected into preset stereotypes that differed with gender, race, age and physical proportion. Tradition pressuring minds into thinking with preset ideals, and inhabitants have to reside within these mental prisons, or so-called 'societies'.

I, however, was a free mind. I had found the Internet at a young age, where people could share ideas anonymously and not have to be afraid of constant judgement. Even with all the 'trolls' without their physical presence they are easy to ignore. Of course, this sort of environment is not unlike the one which contained me when I became a brony.

I first became aware of the show in late 2011 (around October) after stumbling across by Max Gillardi (hotdiggedydemon). No one in my friend group had heard of this 'brony' fiasco, which was in constant reference in the video's comments and related videos, so I decided to research it myself. I ended up watching the first episode, so I could understand the universe and characters present in the parodies and PMVs to a higher degree. Of course, like most other bronies, I was hooked after episode 1, watching 10 episodes that one night. In the end, I ended up causing a pony-hate atmosphere from my friends, who jest at me and poke fun at me for watching the show. I knew there was no malicious intent behind the situation pointed towards me, but the hate directed at the show stung, as characters were mocked that I had grown to admire and know their stories and personalities completely. How I wished that I could just enter their joyous realm of happiness, but I knew, reality is a bitch. I plodded off to bed in a slovenly manner that night of those thoughts, and hoped I would dream of adventures in Ponyville. However, as the old saying goes;  
>'Be careful what you wish for'...<p>

* * *

><p><strong>'Wake up, sleepyhead!'<strong>  
>The voice was shrill, but somehow it seemed familiar. Maybe my ears were playing up, I thought, as usually due to the way I sleep my hand pushes against my ear and makes the canal inside stick half shut. Nothing serious, but incredibly annoying. Anyway, bad ears or not, I was in no mood for school. 'Get out Mom! Not feeling good, not going to my course today, so leave me be!'<br>I pressed my eyelids closed with intense force, and hoped to god she would just let me stay in bed without a fight.  
>'Mom? Wow, that crash must have muddled you up pretty bad. I don't know you yet, but I know everyone here and I'm friends with them. So that means you're new, which means we're gonna have to become...'<br>My heart skipped a beat as she said the word crash. As adrenaline made its way up my body, my eyelids popped open as if my eyes had pushed their way out of their sockets. I had opened them just in time to see a pink blur yell out the words:  
>'BESTERESTEREST FRIENDS!'<br>It was then, for the first time in my life, that I fainted.

As I slowly regained consciousness, I realized I was on what seemed to be a hospital bed. I FREAKED. The last image I had seen? Pink blur in the shape of a pony. As impossible as it seemed, I knew that it had to be the one, the only, physics defying, fourth wall breaking Pinkie Pie.

Now, my blood ran cold with fear as I associated Pinkie with surgical equipment, even if it was only a bed. If you are aware of the fan-fiction 'Cupcakes' then you will understand my anxiety at this point. To confirm my fears, however, I had to scream out  
>'Where are we? WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME?'<br>'Oh, goodie, you're awake! I just took you to the hospital, that's all, to get you checked out after you fell asleep for a REALLY long time! They said you would wake up soon, and they were out of vacancies! So I offered to look after you! Isn't this gonna be fun? It'll be like babysitting without the crying! Now you're awake, we can play all sorts of games and pranks until your wing gets bet-'  
>'My WING!' I exclaimed as I tossed off the bed sheets, only to witness that my body was no longer human, but that of a beige Pegasus'. And, just like Pinkie had said, there were two feathered wings sprouting from my back. I almost fainted again, and I was incredibly surprised that I remained conscious.<br>'Of course, silly, how else would you have crashed?' Pinkie said in her usual cheery tone, seemingly unaware of my distress and confusion. 'Jumping from a giant baboon's shoulder? Even I think that idea is silly, silly.'  
>'Pinkie, list-'<br>She stopped immediately, and pressed her face against mine.  
>'How do you know my name? Hmmmmm?'<br>'Um..' My voice broke as I panicked and racked my brain for a response. 'Its written all over your... Face?'  
>There was a ten second pause as Pinkie scrutinized me with those big, blue eyes, full of unrivaled energy. Finally, she elicited a response,<br>'Oh, okay!'  
>She was smiling again, contented with the answer I had given her. Relieved, I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand, or now should I say, my HOOF.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>I'm a bit emo aren't I? Well, I guess I exaggerated my character's contempt for Earth to help contrast the happiness of Equestria to it. Well, at least he's happy for now. If only he knew it was going to get a hell lot more complicated... Any questions I will be happy to answer through my email: or my tumblr: .com. <strong>


	2. Sugarcube Corner

Equestria's Outlander

Chapter 2

**It was a full hour** before we reached Sugarcube Corner. During the trip, Pinkie Pie had taken to informing me in detail about ponies I already knew about, giving me whole character profiles of the other 'Mane 6' members (Applejack, Rarity, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy for any of you who don't know). However, I couldn't simply hush Pinkie and tell her I already knew because firstly, it would have been downright rude to someone who I had just met, and secondly, because it would have caused Pinkie more suspicion towards me. I wasn't going to explain my situation to anyone yet, and when I was to tell anyone it would be Twilight before anyone, as she'd probably know any reasons behind this. So, while Pinkie Pie bored me almost as much as 'Friends', I decided to zone out and think how I could possibly be here, in this beautiful land of a vivid palette and vibrant landscapes. Of course, I had no reason to complain...

Pinkie fumbled around with her Keyes as she tried to fit each one inside the lock to Sugarcube Corner.  
>I wondered to myself how far I was into the show's story, just in case I would have to endure something like a Discord attack. I asked Pinkie to be sure.<br>'So, what's happened round here lately?'  
>'A lot, but most importantly that YOU'RE the second newcomer to Ponyville this WEEK, along with Cranky Doodle Donkey!'<br>I flipped through a mental episode guide. 'A friend in Deed' was, as I thought, the most recently aired episode (at the time), and I expected if I hadn't arrived and probably caused some sort of paradox, then the events of 'Putting your Hoof Down' would occur within the next 1-3 day(s). Who knows? I thought to myself; It could still happen. Unlikely, though...

Finally, we were inside. The smell was more divine than I could possibly imagine, a thick aroma of sugar, icing, whipped cream, and baked cupcakes. Basically, like what it would smell like if you put together sugar, spice and everything nice. But there was no 'chemical x', everything was perfect. However,  
>the intoxicatingly sweet smell was growing a bit hard to deal with, and I quickly ushered Pinkie upstairs so we could enter her apartment. I couldn't understand how Mr. and Mrs. Cake could spend the day working here, it would be like breathing powdered diabetes or something similar. Pinkie finally got THIS door open, and I followed her up into her room. It was magnificently, well... Pink. It was hurt-your-eyes pink, but was actually quite an attractive design for something that felt like you were looking upon the sun.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>'So,'<strong> I croaked, my throat still slightly clogged by sweet sugary air. 'I would have thought Fluttershy would have wanted to look after me, seeing as that's what she does for all other equestrian animals...'  
>'Oh no, don't be a silly bobilly! You're a Pegasus, and a male one at that! Fluttershy would freak out! I don't know if I've told you this already, but Fluttershy is REALLY shy!'<br>'You don't say, Pinkie..'  
>'So, I'm taking care of you instead! Yay! Oh, we can play games, watch my little human togeth-'<br>'MY LITTLE WHAT?'  
>'My Little Human, why?'<br>I couldn't help myself. As much as I knew it could seriously be an important link to do with my situation, I erupted into buckets of laughter, until my abdomen ached and my vision was blurred with tears of joy.  
>'Alright,' I managed to splutter without cracking up. 'Let's watch it'.<p>

Pinkie had somehow, over the course of one single night, turned me into a pony equivalent of a brony. My little human was incredibly similar to MLP in its style, humor and story, and was equally as brilliant. I couldn't stop laughing at this whole 'Pony-Brony' concept, I laughed for so long even Pinkie got a little bit confused, and inquired as to how I could possibly laugh at something for longer than she did. I couldn't tell her, obviously, so with a chuckle, I responded  
>'I farted..' which brought more laughter to both me and Pinkie. It was after watching this I realized I had to exploit this link to learn more about my predicament. But then, I remembered Dr Whooves is unofficially canon... Maybe he knew something about this? I had to find him. I would find him the next day.<p>

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><p><strong>My Little Human? My, what an adventurous parody! And was that a mention of the legendary Dr. WhoofWhooves? Only time will tell! You can contact me with questions through my homepage found on my profile.**


	3. The Hangover

Equestria's Outlander

Chapter 3

**Morning came like a kick to the chest**, and I initially had little memory of what happened the previous night. I remembered that Pinkie had been kind enough to use up a round on her party cannon, just to throw me a private get-well party with just her, Gummy and myself. I remembered dancing to a record Pinkie kept of Vinyl Scratch's greatest hits, and also drinking.. But what were we drinking? Was it the apple family's cider? No, it was too strong... Ah, crap, I thought, as I realized why I felt so bad. We had been drinking Applejack Daniel's, which had turned out to actually exist in Equestria, funnily enough, and I was now hung over. My wing stung like a horsefly bite, a feeling I had never felt, in nerves I never had before, as I turned to better survey the room. My heart stopped as Pinkie's face had appeared in front of mine, less than two inches away.

* * *

><p><strong>'Oh, dear God tell me we didn't..'<strong> I murmured to myself, as I slowly began to have a panic attack. 'Pinkie?' I cried out, as my breath shortened. 'For the love of sweet Princess Celestia, why are we in bed together?'  
>Pinkie awoke with a springing motion as her head stretched skyward and returned to its normal position, like elastic.<br>She giggled 'Because, you didn't believe my twitchy tail and a lamp fell on you, knocking you out.'  
>'That explains why I can't remember anything about going to sleep, but why the heck are we in the same bed?'<br>'Duh, I only have one bed.'  
>'Fair play...' My heart settled and I could breathe properly again. Thank god nothing had happened.<p>

'What do you want for breakfast, Dubious?'  
>'I don't recall telling you my name, funnily enough.'<br>'Oh, you told me last night, that your name was Dubious Dick'.  
>I was pleasantly surprised that drunk me had stuck to my cover story, and even used my online alias because it sounded sort of like a pony name.<br>'Well Pinkie, I now soberly introduce myself as Dubious Dick to you. I thank you so much for your hospitality, but I'm afraid there is a certain pony I need to find, and that might mean I have to leave your care. He goes by the name of The Doctor, and boasts a brown coat. I don't suppose you're familiar with him?'  
>'Yeah, of course I know the Doctor, I know everypony. A bit kooky, I don't see him much; he goes off on journeys a lot with Ditzy... I could take you there, but your wing...'<br>'Please, Pinkie. I really need to talk to him..'  
>'But we were meant to be besteresterest friends, Dubious.'<br>My heart sunk as I saw her characteristic hair was beginning to deflate.  
>'Fear not, Pinkie, for I promise I will visit you again. In fact, I PINKY PROMISE!'<br>Pinkie's face lit up instantaneously, as we both recited in unison

"Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!" And with that, we were ready.

* * *

><p><strong>It took us a whole 40 minutes<strong> to walk to the Doctor's home outside of town, which was only a small cottage with roughly thatched hay roofing. I trembled while my excitement multiplied tenfold, as I realized I was about to meet the real Doctor, who travelled to this universe from his. Still shaking, I raised my hoof to the doorbell and pressed it in. The doorbell emitted a largely simplified version of the Dr Who theme's main tune, which helped take the edge off for me. After a twenty second period of waiting, the door finally opened and Doctor Whooves stood there, in all his stallion glory. Ok, he was a pony, but even still. He was the spitting image of David Tennant (if David Tennant was a talking pony, of course), and he peered at me with a quizzical expression, an eyebrow raised and the other low down on his forehead. I guess it was time to introduce myself. Properly and truly, this time.

* * *

><p><strong>Just a short chapter today. Try not to get used to updates this regularly, as my Dad's in hospital and I may have to visit him for long periods of time. Anyway, I'm always open to questions on my tumblr: .com , and I'm also grateful for those who are already subscribed to this. See you next time! ~Dubious Dick<strong>


	4. Two Sugars

Equestria's Outlander

Chapter 4

**'And what did you need to see me about?'** the Doctor inquired, his voice whimsical and his accent thick.  
>'I hear you travel to... Otherwise inaccessible places.' I said, still trying to get it in my head that I was actually talking to THE Doctor, pony version or not.<br>'Listen, I don't know what everypony in town says about us, but me and Ditzy do NOT partake in these 'fantastical adventures' people have been claiming to have knowledge of.'  
>I had to convince him, I could tell he was being stubborn as a mule (isn't my wordplay hilarious?). Suddenly, an idea popped into my head, so I didn't blurt out everything about my home universe without knowing whether Doctor Whooves was really THE Doctor or just a character based off of him.<br>'London. TARDIS. Earth?'  
>'Of course, everypony tells those stories. They're not REAL.'<br>Damn, I thought to myself. Then, however, another idea struck me.  
>'Rose Tyler.'<br>The Doctor's eyes grew wide, and I knew he remembered. I had pulled a sad heartstring, and he looked upset. However, this also meant it WAS him.  
>'Come inside..'<p>

* * *

><p><strong>The Doctor slammed the front door shut. <strong>His face was now inches from mine, and the previous look of patience about him had dissipated. His eyes now bore into me, almost like they were prying my very being for my soul. They were the eyes of a man who has lived too long, and has lost far, far too much. I heard a sigh from outside, and the low clopping of hooves against the dirt path as Pinkie walked away. I was alone with a man of sheer spontaneous thought, a crazy genius and probably one hell of a widower.  
>'How do you know!'<br>His voice was raspy, filled with confused rage.  
>'How do you know about HER?'<br>'Doctor, I..' I lowered my voice to make myself as unthreatening as possible. 'I was a human being. I have no idea how I got here, why I'm here, or how long I'm going to be here for. I came to this house for your advice, Doc-'  
>'That doesn't answer my QUESTION.'<br>'Ok, Doctor. I know your most important companions, adventures, loves and losses. I know these things because in my universe, you are merely a television character. There are no known alien races, and it is the year 2012 where I came from. Not only, however, is your universe a creation for television, but this world we are in now is that of a children's cartoon.'  
>'Even with all the monsters and Greek macabre mythos?' To my relief, a cheeky smile was slowly starting to spread across the Doctor's chiseled face.<br>'Hard to believe, right? Anyway, I know what I'm saying is probably even harder for you to bel-'  
>'On the contrary, it's more than likely. Your universe was bound to exist within our holoverse of infinite universes. One of them would definitely follow this scenario, via the law of infinity.'<br>'But I thought universes were contained? Wouldn't the law of infinity cause there to be universes that have people traveling to my universe constantly?'  
>'I understand what you mean, but no. There is one exception in holoverse infinity, and that is intentional universe travel. Not even the greatest of my Time Lord ancestors would know how this is prevented.'<br>'So how in the buck did I end up here?'  
>'I don't know. DITZY? TEA PLEASE, 2 SUGARS, I'M TESTING. NO PEAR THIS TIME! I WILL KNOW! But yes, if you'll follow me, we must complete an analysis on cosmos patterns, planetary orbits and other wibbly wobbly spacey wacey stuff!' I couldn't be happier that the Doctor had warmed up to me and now spoke in a cheery tone, and in such little time, too. He led me into a small, white plastered room. The room was empty, minus the big blue telephone box, which me and the Doctor proceeded to enter. Just as expected, it was bigger on the inside. I think I can say I somehow managed to squee with fanboyish delight as I stepped inside the TARDIS.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>An hour passed as I watched the Doctor<strong> fiddle with knobs, dials, buttons, touch panels and what looked like an electric egg beater. I was intrigued, watching a master at his peculiar craft, slowly painting an unseen canvas. Apart from watching him, however, it was the first chance I had gotten to observe my new pegasus body. My wings still weren't under my control, causing me to receive some strange looks in Ponyville while walking round the town, as both wings would randomly stick up at different intervals, and would never move in sync with each other. From what I had seen from other pegasai in town, wing movement required moving a complex network of tendons and muscles, something I would probably never get the chance to learn. I had noticed, however, aside from the odd looks and chuckles at my unruly wing behavior, that some mares seemed to actually find me attractive. This was quite a strange concept for me, as it would make sense that if I was a 'forever alone' back on earth, wouldn't it be just the same here? Any way, I was no horse humper, so this was the least of my worries. After all this time, to my surprise, the Doctor STILL hadn't finished. I decided to spend the remaining time teaching myself to pin my wings down.

* * *

><p><strong>The Doctor sure does change his mood, doesn't he? Poor Pinkie, she's been taking good care of Dubious Dick and now her new friend has left her for some nutjob who lives on the outskirts of town! What a Dick! (More wordplay, I'm such a comedian) Anyway, this might be the last update for a short while, the next chapter IS half done, but some stuff might get in the way... Anyway, I'd love to hear from you! Please, leave a review if you can, and ask me any questions you have at askdubiousdick. tumblr. com (minus the spaces). Ok, bye!<strong>


	5. Tempura Chicken Rift

Equestria's Outlander

Chapter 5

**Another hour**, maybe two had passed. Had the Doctor had a ticking clock inside the TARDIS, my heart would probably be beating in time with each second as I sat idly. I wanted to explore the rest of the TARDIS, something you never really saw in the show, but I felt asking would interrupt the Doctor's chaotically precise method of mumbling to himself, and smashing or rebuilding electronics. in this time not only had I taught myself to keep my wings pinned to my back, but I had discovered that I, in fact, already had my own cutie mark. It was that of a pen, and a stylish Parker pen at that, drawing a short, jet black line on my flank. It was probably to do with me being a Poet Laureate back on Earth for my school campus, the only title I've ever really been able to hold throughout my life so far. I was expecting something more gaming related, like perhaps the Borderlands Vault symbol or a Cacodemon, but I was here with a pen instead. No killer tomatoes to adorn MY ass, sadly. Or maybe it was something to do with drawing? Hay, I'd be damned if I knew. I'd probably have to ad-lib some bullcrap story in case it was ever questioned by anypony.

* * *

><p><strong>'Done!'<strong>  
>The Doctor looked flustered as he exclaimed, accompanied by a 'ding!' of one of his many nearby contraptions.<br>'So...' I said, suddenly realizing that the Doctor could be carrying some serious news. 'How did I get here?' The Doctor's face now painted the perfect picture of wonder, as he said timidly  
>'Ancient prophecies from many bipedal-sentient races related to humans foretold of a temporal rift that would open to finally split the holoverse, and send a descendant of their race chain to their ultimate paradise, as long as he was pure of heart...'<br>'Well the tempura chicken rift thing obviously sent the wrong guy, heh heh..' I chuckled to myself, thinking of all the 'impure' thoughts I'd had and things I'd said in the past few years.  
>'I said pure of heart Dubious, not pure of mind'.<br>'But even if it is that legend, how did YOU end up here?'  
>'I thought you would know, seeing how much you DO know about me..'<br>'Let's just say nothing to do with magical ponies has made into YOUR show, at least, there are no episodes that spring to mind..'

* * *

><p><strong>'I was trying to travel back to London<strong>, to say Merry Christmas to some old friends, but the TARDIS locked on to a wormhole, one that existed beyond all laws of physics, time and space. She was drawn towards the anomaly, and we rematerialized just outside of the Everfree Forest. I discovered I had also exchanged my bipedal body for that of a brown equine; a stallion to be more precise, whom you see now. I was lost for days, until I found a quaint apple orchard, 'Sweet Apple Acres' to be precise. The trek was hard; nothing was in the right place at the time, with the ground ruptured and forming random hills here and there. When I arrived at the orchard and knocked on the farmhouse door, I was greeted by an anxious red stallion. I would later come to know him as Big Macintosh, who I can now say is my dear friend. He brought me inside, and confused me further, by hushing me and begging me to cover under the furniture. We stayed put for about an hour, until there was a rhythmic knock on the door. Big Macintosh had recognized it to be his family's specific knock, for use in times of anxiety. He ran for the door, and opened it to reveal a flustered orange mare. With a cute southern drawl, she exclaimed 'It's over, y'all! Everything is back to normal!' Big Macintosh introduced this mare to me as his sister, Applejack, who greeted me with a firm handshake and a hearty 'How ya farin', partner?' I inquired as to what had been causing so much fuss, and Applejack took the time to explain to me that Discord, the Draconequus god of chaos, had escaped imprisonment and had been wreaking havoc on reality. After dinner with the apple family, I managed to find the TARDIS again, where I had left it, near the forest. I ran a few tests, and as I expected, using this new information on Discord, I could link his chaos entity creation to the wormhole that brought me here. Over the years, I've slowly gotten to acquaint myself with the majority of Ponyville's residents, but none grew on me like Ditzy did. She was loyal, curious, and had everything to be my perfect assistant. Together, we have travelled to the far reaches of the universe and witnessed its divine wonder and beauty, but I'm afraid we cannot return to our universe, Dubious.'  
>'What!'<br>'I'm so, so sorry, Dubious, I know you would have had family and friends back on Earth.. Although, I have been working on something, that might be able to take us back, if only temporarily..'  
>My thoughts turned to my family, my friends. I couldn't leave them, could I? But I couldn't bring myself to return to living in that pigsty of a planet, constantly being judged for who I am and what I do. Most importantly, however, I couldn't break my Pinkie promise. But I couldn't just disappear from Earth without notice... I had to tell them.<br>'Please, Doctor... Although what the legend states is true, I think I have found paradise here, I need to say goodbye to everyone back on earth, and I know you understand that. So please, let me accompany you back to earth one last time, and give our farewells..'  
>The Doctor nodded.<br>'If there was to ever be a time, it's now. Ditzy? You're finally going to see Earth!' The iconic, blond maned, grey coated mare stuck her head round the corner, before crying 'YAY!' in her adorable, derpy voice.

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><p><strong>h no, I can't think of anything witty to write in my Author's Notes! Oh wait, nevermind :3 Just a heads up, the next chapter gets all sappy and sad. If you're afraid of human emotion, you can always skip it... But yeah, remember to ask away at askdubiousdick. tumblr. com See you again someday! (probably another update today actually)<strong>


	6. Return to Earth

Equestria's Outlander

Chapter 6

**It was a sad, sad trip**. The Doctor and I took turns making trips to friends and loved ones in both his and my universes, using the remaining charges on the TARDIS extension the Doctor had crafted. We even ended meeting some famous faces on the way that the Doctor happened to be friends with, such as Sir Elton John, Elvis Presley, and last but not least, Lauren Faust. That took some explaining when she came face to face with ponies from a universe she had designed. Strangely enough, we had retained our pony forms, further convoluting our already complex explanations. Saying goodbye to my parents was the hardest thing I had ever done. Although at first, after getting over that they were talking to talking, colored ponies, and Ditzy playing hell with the porcelain in my kitchen, my parents eventually understood. I'm not ashamed to say that I openly cried, as they couldn't come with me. The prophecy had only told of one being to transcend, we didn't want to play with fire any more than we were. I hugged my dog for what seemed like a day, feeling her soft fur against my smooth coat. I smiled at my parents before leaving. They smiled back, and I knew they had accepted what was happening. A reassuring pat on the shoulder was enough to cheer me up as well, as he saw me out of the door, tears even beginning to form on his face. We brofisted/hoofed, before I stepped into that blue box one more time. There was the choking/gasping sound of the TARDIS, and then we were gone. It took a whole minute to travel back to Equestria, a minute that consisted of complete silence. When we got back, I bid farewell to my new friends the Doctor and Ditzy Hooves, and set off to find Pinkie. I really needed cheering up.

* * *

><p><strong>'PINKIE! I came back!'<strong>  
>I yelled, having found my way back to Sugarcube Corner. I heard a scramble of hooves inside, and I could hear Pinkie hurriedly making her way to the front door. She was quick to find the keys this time, as the door was unlocked and open in a matter of seconds.<br>'DUBIOUS!' she shrieked, her face lighting up, and she bore the largest smile I had ever seen upon myself. I wasn't able to resist, I embraced Pinkie in a warm hug, hoping some of her happiness would rub off onto me.  
>'I came back for you, Pinkie. I Pinkie promised!' Pinkie started to shake, sat down while making a sound that could only be said was 'HRNHHHHHH', before blasting skyward, emitting a pink rainbow from... Her ass? Even still, it was spectacular to see what happiness could do to a person. She landed again, with as big a smile as ever, staring at me like nothing had happened.<br>'So...' I said slowly, starting to smile myself. 'How about we throw another party, Pinkie?' This caused another shrill outburst from Pinkie. 'YEEEEES!'

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><p><strong>Short, sad, but did have a Pink rainboom or whatever it is actually called! Keeping up guys? I'm going to upload a new chapter about an hour from now (a time marker for future me as well). Ciao, and ask away at askdubiousdick. tumblr. com (minus the spaces of course).<strong>


	7. Never More! Never More!

Equestria's Outlander

Chapter 7

**'Ok, Streamers? Check!** Party cannon? Check! Cupcakes? Urgh, Pinkie!'  
>'Sorry *gulp* Twilight, but they're *ulp* so good!'<br>'Fine, as long as you get them replaced by tonight!'  
>Twilight Sparkle had been kind enough to help with organizing the party, after Pinkie had excitedly introduced me to her. She was very polite, even if at times she could be quite dismissive, and of course, mirrored the personality I had seen in the show perfectly. Plus, I had really grown fond of her mane, even though I wasn't usually fond of fringes.. No! I thought to myself, I had to spend at least a year in Equestria before I was to find a pony attractive in any way! On this thought, an odd tingle spread out through my body as I realized I was going to spend the rest of my life in this world. I shook my head to clear my mind of the thought, it would be something I would address later.<br>'Thanks again, Twilight,' I said, sheepishly, 'It's always nice to have someone who can keep things organized!'  
>She giggled. 'Anything for a friend, Dubious!'<br>'That doesn't sound seedy at all!' The voice came from a newly awoken baby dragon, with a green and purple hide.  
>'Spike!' Twilight exclaimed, shocked, 'watch your tongue, we have guests!'<br>'Oh, my bad!' Spike sort of shuffled back a bit, embarrassed. 'Hi, I'm Spike!' he said, with a gain of confidence.  
>'Hey bro, I'm Dubious Dick!' I replied, realizing he was only the second male I had talked to since arriving in Ponyville.<br>'Nice to meet ya! When did you get here?'  
>'2 days ago, I'm still new to everything here, but it seems like a pretty cool place'<br>'You should've seen Canterlot dude..'  
>'I can only imagine..' I turned my attention back to Twilight. 'So, where's the rest of your 'gang' Pinkie's told me so much about?' I chuckled, attempting to make air quotes with my hooves.<br>'Well, Pinkie's right there, Applejack's gone with Big Macintosh to go and cheer up the Doctor, who lives on the outskirts of Ponyville. I have no idea why he was upset, he usually keeps to himself.. Rarity has taken it upon herself to design you a tuxedo for tonight, without even meeting you first! Sometimes, that unicorn seems crazy underneath her posh mannerisms, Rainbow Dash is busy attending a Wonderbolts performance and Fluttershy is.. Well..' I chuckled,  
>'Too shy to say hello?'<br>'Bingo. Oh, and I'm right here helping organize, of course. But anyway, I see your cutie mark is a pen, what's that for?'  
>'Oh, this thing?' I brought my flank forward for a better view. 'It's for poetry.' I almost blurted out 'I don't even, bucking, know', but I managed to stop myself.<br>'Really?' Twilight leaned forward, eager to hear more. 'Can you recite me some?'  
>'That's not really the way it works with me.. I sort of, just come up with it out of nowhere..'<br>'Do you reckon you could try now?'  
>'I guess...' I cleared my throat, and raised my voice to a presentation level of volume.<p>

**'Oh dark wind,**  
><strong>I ask thee where thou take me,<strong>  
><strong>was it for my sins?<strong>  
><strong>Does something dark relate me?<strong>  
><strong>I ask again,<strong>  
><strong>does my story end?<strong>  
><strong>Is this the last message<strong>  
><strong>there is to send?<strong>  
><strong>Forgive me not, for I am sworn,<strong>  
><strong>to a life of regret, 'til I'm unborn.'<strong>

There was a moment of silence as the words echoed round the library. It was Spike who broke it, and in deep thought simply said

'Deep..'  
>Twilight was taken aback, not sure how to react to this being spoken spontaneously.<br>'That..' She stuttered, 'that was beautiful..'  
>I brought my hoof down in the manner of a fist-pump, exclaiming 'nailed it!' to no one in particular.<p>

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><p><strong>Das right, get on my level! swag. But yeah, looks like a big party's coming up! Call your friends, the party never ends! No, seriously. Call them, we're gonna have a muthabucken rave. Anyways, this is the last update for the day, might be a day or two before I upload a new chapter. Stay tuned! Ask me shiz at askdubiousdick. tumblr. com (minus the spaces!)**


	8. Screaming Bieber

Equestria's Outlander

Chapter 8

**Preparations had finally been finished**, and I must say Pinkie had somehow outdone herself. Considering it was being held in the library, I thought that maybe she would have held back a bit, but she didn't. God knows how she could of done it, but here I was, standing in the most colorful library I had ever set foot in. Streamers hung from the roof beams, the room was adorned with balloons that were actually filled with HELIUM and not crappy ol' oxygen. I couldn't wait to hear Pinkie's voice with a lungful of it, it could possibly reach a higher octave than Justin Bieber stepping into a cold shower. I chuckled out loud at this thought. Ok, maybe not. After observing the party room, I turned to congratulate Pinkie on her work. However, instead of having a conversation with my bubbly pink friend, the door burst open and sent a blue blur crashing into me. I cried out in a goofy manner, which didn't really convey my sudden pain, but not like it would have made a difference. I scrambled to my feet, to hear Twilight scolding the intruder  
>'Rainbow, what have I told you about KNOCKING first?'<br>I looked up, observing the cyan mare that had just bowled me over. I recognized her in an instant, who else could it be? A rainbow striped mane and tail, two powerful wings, and violet eyes made up the Pegasus that was none other than Rainbow Dash.  
>'Yeah, ok, <em>mom<em>!' She replied sarcastically, fluffing her wings like pillows before setting her eyes on me. She began to laugh, and managed to cram in between bursts 'You should of heard your scream, you sounded like a real goofball!' Her voice was scratchy, something I had never really been able to describe. It was both feminine yet masculine, a typically tomboyish voice.  
>'I'm assuming you're Rainbow Dash' I said flatly, sort of annoyed but partly amused by my own slapstick misfortune.<br>'_The_ one and only!' She did a small back flip in the air, accompanied by a few punches to the space around her. 'Who're you?'  
>'The name's Dubious. Dubious Dick.' This caused another laughing fit from Rainbow, and she finally said after gasping for air<br>'Wow, I can't believe that's your name! Bet you got picked on in flight school, huh, you misfortunate son of a-'  
>'Rainbow!' Twilight cut in, 'Do you HAVE to be so immature all the time?'<br>'Calm down Twilight, I'm just joking, you know that right?'  
>'Sure..' I replied, sort of realizing that I might not of had the most appropriate name.. But what the hay, it followed one of the pony name formulas: Adjective, noun. E.g. Big, Macintosh, or Ditzy, Doo.<br>'Is there a reason you came here in such a hurry?' Twilight asked Rainbow.  
>'Oh yeah, Rarity wanted me to bring the new guy his tux, and apologize for not meeting him in person before tonight. She's got a big order in, commissioned work for an upcoming wedding'<br>'Who's the lucky pair?' I asked, genuinely interested.  
>'I don't know, it was an order from Canterlot. Rarity was so excited, thinks this might be her 'magan opum' or something like that.'<br>'Magnum Opus?'  
>'Yeah, that's the one. Anyways, I'm off for a nap. Catcha tonight, Dick!' She giggled. I laughed too this time.<br>'See ya Rainbow!' I looked around the room to congratulate Pinkie as I had intended to do before being bowled over. 'Hey, where's Pinkie?' I asked Twilight. 'I'm not sure, I thi-'  
>'BOO!'<br>I turned round to find Pinkie hanging from the ceiling, before dropping on to the floor and landing on her head. She scrambled to her hooves and just looked at me, smiling.  
>'In the name of Celestia, I have no idea how you do that Pinkie, but I wish I could!' We all laughed, as if in a cheesy sitcom.<p>

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><p><strong>Well, well, well! Looks like Dubious finally met RainbowDash! A light hearted chapter this time. Might be a wait for the next chapter, I'm still having a bit of a shock over Edd Gould's (eddsworld) passing. One taken far too young.. But anyways, in the spirit of this chapter I hope you find your way out of the dark! 'Til next time, folks! Ask me shiz at askdubiousdick. tumblr. com (minus the spaces of course!)<strong>


	9. Scratchin' Vinyls

Equestria's Outlander

Chapter 9

**'Hey**,** ladies and gentlecolts!** This is Vinyl Scratch scratchin' the vinyls, or as you know me DJ-PON3! Let's spin this shiz!'  
>The party was amazing; half of Ponyville had managed to show up. Pinkie's parties were evidently not something to be missed, as ponies here, there and everywhere laughed, talked and smiled among each other, whilst eating the delicious treats that had been supplied by Mr. and Mrs. Cake and also the Apple family. I was yet to meet anypony else out of the mane 6, but I guessed I would have to wait. I got around meeting and greeting quite a few residents, both mares and colts. One guy I had kicked off with quite well was a beige colt with a brown mane and tail and to my surprise, wore a green hoodie. He had moved out from between two other colts with the strange pony hoodies, one with a brown mane, blue hoodie and glasses, and one with a ginger mane, purple hoodie and also a peculiar green overcoat. The green hoodied one said to me in a thick English accent,<br>'Hey mate! Great party! I gotta say though, not enough cola..' I chuckled, and replied  
>'You must really be able to put away the stuff then!'<br>'Tell me about it,' he patted his stomach. 'I take it you're Dubious Dick? The new guy the party's for?'  
>'Yeah, hah, I couldn't have asked for more. Man, this is great!'<br>'I know man, Pinkie throw's em the best! Anyway, I gotta finish up something with these two nob-heads, I'll see you again, yeah?'  
>'Hell yeah, brony!' He turned and began to walk away. I called after him, 'Hey, didn't catch your name?'<br>'It's Edd! See ya!' A shiver ran down my spine, as an absurd thought crossed my mind. I shook it off, before wandering about to see what else was happening. Sadly, I never saw that pony again.

* * *

><p><strong>I looked down<strong> at the fine tux I was wearing, which looked super sleek and sexy, and seemed to just scream style. It was made of prestigious velvet, and had incredibly uniform stitching which blended in with the rest of the material perfectly. I was walking, not particularly looking where I was going, when I bumped into a white unicorn in a long, luxuriant dress.  
>'Oh, so sorry!' I exclaimed, steadying her with a hoof on her shoulder.<br>'I say, you really must look where you're going! But it's nice to see that you have manners. I-' She paused mid-sentence as she looked up, and she smiled. 'Why, you must be Dubious, and you are the PERFECT fit for that suit!'  
>'I believe you are Lady Rarity.' It was time talk posh. 'or at least I presume. I have to thank you tenfold for thus tuxedo; it really is quite the charmer!'<br>'Why yes, and all the more handsome a model to try it on! I.. Uh..' She stood back a bit and blushed, searching for her words. I chuckled nervously and shuffled my hooves a bit in sudden discomfort. 'Well, anyway, I'm really quite overjoyed with your reaction, as it's from my new fashion line for colts and hadn't really seen it worn by anypony.'  
>'Well, it sure does look quite dazzling Rarity! Is there anything I can do in return?' She stuttered again, blushing a little bit more before saying<br>'No, dear. It's quite alright. Seeing it modeled by someone with the perfect body for it was simply more than enough. Anyway, I bid you welcome to Ponyville and farewell! I must go promote my dresses to the partygoers!'  
>'Ok, well, I thank you again lady Rarity, and bid you a good bye!' She blushed yet again, and left awkwardly. I was thankful that the moment of discomfort had passed, before continuing to walk around and socialize.<p>

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><p><strong>Yes, that was an Eddsworld tribute if you were wondering. This is probably the most successful thing I've done, so this is the place I wanted to place the tribute. Anyway, sorry for the wait, homework and other dastardly setbacks. Sounds like a great party, huh? Still open to questions, inbox is getting pretty desolate at askdubiousdick. tumblr. com<br>Anyway, see you next time!**

**BYE!**


	10. Smuttershy

Equestria's Outlander

Chapter 10

**Trotting around the room**, I was half teaching myself how to walk with swagger as a pony. Not for any real reason, other than comical value that it might be able to hold, as it had somehow managed to back on earth. In fact, it was a running gag among my friends that I should end serious sentences with a simply stated 'swag' including online use where it took the form of '/swag'. It was while thinking of this I realized how strange I actually was, and how that might affect me blending in with other Ponyville residents. I cast off the thought, keeping the mindset that it was ok to be different. I noticed to ponies I recognized instantly, stood in a corner talking. One, an earth pony with an orange coat and blonde mane adorned with a wide brimmed hat was trying to raise the spirits of a pink maned, yellow coated Pegasus who was shaking from head to toe from nervousness. I knew them all too well as Applejack and Fluttershy, respectively. As I approached the pair, I heard Applejack cooing softly  
>'Hey, now, sugarcube. It's alright if y'all don't wanna get up close and personal wit' nopony, but I can assure ya, there's nuttin' to be scared of in just talking to ponies! We ain't even seen the guest of honor yet!' The quivering Pegasus replied, at an almost inaudible volume<br>'I know, Applejack. But I just can't bring myself to do it. I mean, what if they don't like me? I couldn't bear to see the look on somepony's face after I wasted their time..' I walked closer, my heart starting to flutter from a cuteness overload as the poor thing worried over nothing. I finally brought myself to greet them, but keeping my voice gentle so as not to alarm Fluttershy.  
>'Howdy, friends. I believe we're yet to greet each other.' Applejack thrust herself forward, and gripped my hoof firmly, before proceeding to perform a vigorous hoof shake with me.<br>'I'm Applejack, and this here's Fluttershy. She ain't exactly scared of y'all, but.. Well, as her name says, she's shy.' I heard Fluttershy whimper a bit as she shrank back into herself.  
>'Not to worry,' I said reassuringly, 'I know that feel. Used to be quite shy myself, in fact I've only really overcome that over the tine I've been in Ponyville.' There was truth behind this. Being in Ponyville where it felt so friendly, not hostile in the slightest, had brought me forward and I had become a lot more outgoing. 'You girls can call me Dubious Dick.' To my surprise, I heard Fluttershy attempt to stifle a giggle, as I said my fake name. Applejack turned back and shot her a stern look, and said<br>'Really, Fluttershy? I thought y'all would be more mature than that. You of all ponies.. My apologies for my friend's rudeness, Mr. Dubious.' I chuckled,  
>'Not to worry, dear Applejack. I've gotten it quite a lot.' I shot Fluttershy a reassuring wink, and I was happy to see she was warming up to my presence. She still hadn't spoken to me, but it was a start. 'Anyway, girls, I'll leave you to it. I need to go see what Pinkie's up to.'<br>'Yeah, she told us y'all were stayin' with her, I hope she ain't to crazy for ya. Anyways, see y'all later Dubious! Come round the orchard sometime, I'll give y'all the first batch on the house!'  
>I turned and walked away, and was overjoyed that I was now on good terms with the entire mane 6. I even thought I heard the softest 'Goodbye..' as I left.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>The party was over, and the library was a mess. <strong>Everywhere there were crumbs, blobs of cupcake icing, ripped streamers and all sorts of other miscellaneous refuse. I offered to stay and help clean up, which Twilight was more than grateful for. I picked up a dustpan and brush (after fumbling a few times trying to grip it with my hoof) and started sweeping away. I started singing 'Winter wrap up' to myself, the song from the MLP episode of the same name. I noticed Twilight had stopped her cleaning, and was listening intently to what I was singing. Realizing that I was being listened to, I trailed off and stopped, embarrassed. Twilight turned to me, narrowing her eyes, but also bearing a quizzical look upon her face.  
>'Where did you hear that song?'<br>_Crap! Stupid, stupid!_ How could I not think that referencing the show could drop me in it? I anxiously searched for words to say.  
>'I heard it from a friend.. Back in Cloudsdale..'<br>'Really?.. That song isn't sung traditionally by anyone outside of Ponyville..'  
>'Oh, that's because he used to live in Ponyville! He left not long before you came, I think..'<br>'Really? What was his name?'  
>'Uh..' I looked around the room, desperately searching for objects to make up a name in the most cliché manner possible. 'Pea', I said, looking at a bowl of garden peas on the snack table, 'Tear', a torn streamer laying only a few meters away from my feet. 'Griffin!', I finished, as I watched a Griffin fly past outside of Twilight's window. 'Yeah, Peter Griffin!' <em>My god, I'm an idiot!<em>  
>'Huh, Pinkie never told me about anyone with as strange a name as that.. Oh well!'<br>_Crisis averted.._

* * *

><p><strong>Oh, that Fluttershy.. Now to other news- Holy bat nipples, Batman! Over 1600 HITS! I can't thank you guys enough! But please, keep the reviews coming! 1600 hits and 8 reviews isn't exactly the most balanced ratio... Anyway, I might be needing an OC soon.. Get your requests ready ye salty landlubbers! Until then, peace off! BAIBAI :D<strong>


	11. Starfire

Equestria's Outlander

Chapter 11

**'Did you like my party?** Did you like it? Hm? Was it fun? Did you make superdupermegaloads of friends? Di-'  
>'Pinkie! Give me a second, and I'll tell you!'<br>Me and the pink ball of sugar rush were walking down the now otherwise silent main road, lit only by the odd lantern. The sky was a deep black, with the stars piercing the shadows. They were shining like a clean salmon's scales, and subtly twinkling as they looked down upon us. The grass reflected their light in starburst shapes, painting tiny pictures upon my eye's lens. It was a unique vista, and I definitely took my time to enjoy it. The pink mare beside me, however, had better ideas.  
>'Well? You gonna say anything or just stand there and be boooooring?'<br>'Sorry if I'm not paying you enough attention, Pinkie. Sometimes, when I'm worn out I notice all the beautiful things you don't usually notice, especially at night.'  
>'Ohh, that sounds deep. Let me try!' She squinted, and let her tongue hang out the side of her mouth as she craned her head to the sky. She was staring at the starry mass that was sprawled above us, seemingly trying to make out shapes. 'Ooh!' she cried, scaring the crap out of me in the process. 'I can see Big Macintosh! That's so cool!'<br>'That's not really what I meant, but if you insist... I can see Bill Cosby.'  
>'What's a Bilb Crosbee?'<br>'Um,' _nice one, smartass!_ 'Bibbity boopitin ridiculous, that's what it means.'  
>'You can SEE ridiculous? Wow, you're good..'<br>I'll admit it, it was a nice moment. Not really how I usually would stargaze, but I guess I was open minded enough to let it slide and just go with it. But it was at that moment, something very strange happened. Pinkie turned her head away from me, and said aloud 'This guy has some insane skills!'  
>'Pinkie? I'm over here you realize..'<br>'No, I wasn't talking to you, Dubious. I was talking to you guys!' The realization hit me like a sledgehammer to a wooden door. She was breaking the fourth wall. Would that mean viewers could see me? Did that mean that I could just communicate with Earth just by talking? Questions flew around my head, flooding my mind. I always loved 4th wall gags, but never thought about how awkward a character would feel who wasn't in on the joke. To my surprise, it was incredibly awkward. You just stand there, hoping an invisible camera hasn't caught you in its frame. The moment passed, and Pinkie turned back to face me. She continued rambling about the party as if nothing had happened. I decided to let this pass too, as bringing it up would probably elicit an even more confusing response from Pinkie. We continued down the road to Sugarcube Corner, as I pushed the event that had just transpired from my mind. It was probably a Pinkie trait I was going to have to grin and bare.

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><p><strong>Short chapter again. I'm trying to up my game a bit in the language department, now that I;ve amassed over 2000 hits. (Exciting, right?) But anyway, I will try and update as frequent as possible. Something unfortunate may be about to occur... Reviews (I'm on the verge of begging, I wanna know what you guys are hoping to see) are always welcome and encouraged. Until next time, folks!<strong>


	12. Buster Bladeless

Equestria's Outlander

Chapter 12

**I lay in my section of Pinkie's bed**, with half the quilt pulled up against my chest. A million thoughts were racing through my head. I was only just realizing the whole insanity of what had happened to me. Never mind the fact that I had somehow crossed worlds through some inter-dimensional destiny portal, but the fact that these wonderful ponies and their world even existed at all was a miracle. I looked to the one laying near me, and felt happiness spread throughout my entire body. I was finally at peace, in a world where I wouldn't be ignored or hurt through the brutality of others. However, I was also starting to realize how much my name sucked at fitting in. I was going to have to fix that, because no one was going to take me seriously as my name defined a doubtful male genital. I would sleep on ideas for names. I made myself comfortable, and closed my eyes, all the while pondering the wonders tomorrow could bring.

* * *

><p><strong>'Dubious, wake up!'<strong>  
>I opened my eyes, the world blurred like a pastel smear. My eyes finally focused on Pinkie, standing above me with an anxious expression, painting the picture for me that something was wrong.<br>'What's going on?'  
>'There's a dragon bent on destroying the town!'<br>'WHAT?'  
>'I don't know how he got here, but he's really angry and he's setting buildings on fire and everything!'<br>'Ok, calm down, Pinkie. Just tell me where it is? I think I have an idea.'  
>'It's just before Sweet Apple acres, luckily it hasn't destroyed much of the orchard. But it's getting closer to Ponyville! We really should go and help!'<br>'Let's go.'  
>We ran down the stairs and burst out the front door, to see ponies and unicorns running and screaming, while overhead pegasi were flying in manic patterns, anxiously shifting direction looking for a good hiding spot. We took off down the road, sprinting as fast as our legs would take us. Thank god my pony body was in better shape than my human body, or I would have had to have stopped at about twenty percent of the distance we ran. As fewer retreating ponies passed by, a smoldering mass of smoke came into view. Fire was starting to lick at buildings of the towns ridge, slowly blackening their exteriors. We both stopped when we noted the silhouettes of five ponies against the smoke, all staring down an invisible opponent. As the winds started to sweep away all of the dormant smoke, a black and scarlet, shiny monster came into view. It had spines running down the length of its back and tail, and also lined it's eyebrows and chin. The ponies were now visible as Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, Twilight and Rainbow Dash. Pinkie called out to them, and the others all turned their heads to see Pinkie bounding towards them.<br>'Where were you?' Twilight hissed, while turning back to face the dragon. Rainbow Dash gestured towards me;  
>'What's he doing here?'<br>'He says he can help us!' Pinkie cried in my defense.  
>'What's he gonna do, talk it down?'<br>This comment set my gears in forward motion. I was about to do something incredibly stupid.

* * *

><p><strong>I kicked down a nearby fence<strong>, and picked up a nice, sharp fragment of wood. I also removed the lid a dustbin sat on the street side. I slowly approached the dragon, jaw clenched, improvised weapons in hooves.  
>'Dubious, darling, whatever are you trying to do?' Rarity asked, but we all knew that she knew exactly what I was about to do. Rainbow Dash exclaimed<br>'Come on, dude, even I know that's suicide!' I looked the dragon in the eye, and snorted. It responded in a similar manner, sending a puff of purple green smoke spiraling from its red hot maw.  
>'I'm gonna get monster hunter up on this bitch.' With that, I charged forward on my hind legs, and jumped onto the beast. I scrawled up the dragon's back, slipping on its smooth, scaly hide. I then worked my way up its neck using the thick spines for handholds. It was like trying to ride a bucking bull at a rodeo, as the creature writhed and screamed in annoyance. I finally reached its head, and plunged the wooden shard deep into its eye. Dark red blood started oozing out, and working its way through the many grooves of the dragon's intricate scales. It gave an ear piercing shriek of pain, and I whispered into its ear 'Kut-Ku cachoo, motherf-' before the creature flung its head skyward, sending me flying up into the open air. I screamed out in horror, as I started to plummet to the earth. The other ponies stood staring at me dumbfounded, except for Pinkie who yelled at Rainbow Dash to catch me, because I couldn't fly. I started to flap my wings, but it was in vain, as they only managed to slow my descent in the slightest. I saw Rainbow Dash position herself ready to catch me, but it wouldn't have made a difference. I felt an arm smash into my side, and I was sent hurtling into the side of a burnt building. I heard the sickening crunch of bones cracking, before the world faded out to black.<p>

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><p><strong>Ok, I just wanna say about the 4th wall? WOAH GUYS. CHILL. But no, I see what you're saying, and I just want to let you know that I never really planned on using that again, I've always just wondered about people's reactions to 4th wall breakers. I mean, if your friend turned round and starting making puns to a brick wall, wouldn't you be a bit worried? Anyway, it is written 'Kut-Ku' for a reason, as a reference to the Yian Kut-Ku from Capcom's Monster Hunter franchise. I gotta say, Dick made a pretty bad move this time. I know, it's a stupid name. I want to change it, but it also just has that light hearted feel to it that can lead into little side gags... Still not sure. The main problem I have is coming up with a new name for my character, stuff like 'Ink Wells' I just can't see this character having. (If you have an OC named Ink Wells, no offense, I just wrote it spontaneously. Cool name for an author pony, though). Anyway, great to hear constructive criticism from you guys. So happy that people are taking the time to read :3 In fact, I made a short thank you video on my youtube page BronyPasta thanking you guys (It's pretty bad, and borderline youtube poop, but still). Anyway, keep those reviews coming! Always nice to get feedback! Ciao!**


	13. In the heart of darkness

Equestria's Outlander

Chapter 13

**Everywhere I turned to, there was only darkness.** I was in a lifeless void of shadows and silence, with no exit in sight. I could walk, however, upon what felt like a stone floor. The hushed sounds of my footsteps seemed to echo for miles, before being swallowed by the great black maw that made up this world. Every now and then, I could hear murmurs, but as I tried to focus on them the sound slipped away as quickly as it came. I couldn't hear my own breath, oddly enough, but the sounds of my body movement were crisp, and pierced the silence like a needle to an inflated balloon, exploding throughout the air as each of my hooves made contact with the ground. I was walking forward, but I was unsure of where I was headed. The murmurs were growing louder, and were eventually accompanied by a high pitched beeping. A dark orange light appeared about 20 meters from where I had been walking, and started growing slightly stronger as I approached it. I was only about five meters from the light, when suddenly the darkness tore itself open to reveal a blazing, orange eye. It appeared to be made up of controlled flames, and it stared at me with the highest degree of intensity possible. The light it was radiating shone onto me, and was so hot it was beginning to singe my fur. I felt like I was being baptized by fire, my whole being engulfed by flames, ready to crack open a carbon shell to reveal a shiny new body. Then, to surprise me and now scare me even further, the eye began to speak.  
>'Human.' Its golden iris expanded to allow its pupil to grow, which it did whenever accentuating a point in its pronunciation. 'You are staring upon me because you showed great bravery, but also complete disregard for your own life. Bravery like this is seldom seen in this age.' The eye looked me up and down, and seemed to lightly nod in approval before proceeding to say 'I come to you with a choice. You can die by way of your reckless and idiotic actions, or you can harness your bravery to become an Equestrian Guardian.' I was stumped. Of course, I didn't want to die, but the last thing I wanted to worry about at this point in time was a permanent commitment.<br>'What would I need to do?'  
>'First, you will need to find your true self. Then you are to remain dormant as a Guardian until called upon by the gods of Equestria.'<br>'So... I can have a life outside of this?'  
>'Yes. But, heed this warning. Getting too attached to something as a Guardian is likely to result in a need for sacrifice at a later point in time. However, this is preventable, and the gods will favor your spirit if you accept. Do you still wish to partake in this honor bound contract?' I wasn't about to give up, not when I was so content with everything.<br>'I'll do it.'

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><p><strong>Short, but important chapter! OH, THE DRAMA! Anyways, still hoping to hear more reviews and such from you guys. The hit count is still going up, which is such a thrill, I have to say. Thanks, guys! Oh, and SpatanMJO12, thanks for the OC, planning to use him ASAP. Any extra details just PM me, as I can't PM you without knowing your actual account. Anyways, hope you enjoyed this one, fellas, ciao! <strong>


	14. Old Spice

Equestria's Outlander

Chapter 14

**I felt my eyes open, and my head was spinning wildly**. I immediately felt queasy, and had to try not to spew over my splayed legs and my chest. I looked around, to find I was in a bright hospital room, with a strange type of heart-rate monitor beside my bed. I was connected to an IV drip, and immediately hid the back of my hand from sight. I'd always hated cannulas, and anything designed to puncture the body, especially tubing. Leaning forward, I pulled back the curtain that sectioned off my bed, to see if I was alone in the room. A nurse was attending to a patient next to me, who had his leg suspended and plastered. He had a medium blue coat, with a brighter, piercing blue mane. He had lilac eyes, and a cutie mark of a frying pan with what looked like metal scraps around it. I hadn't seen him at the party, so he probably injured his leg beforehand. He seemed irritated with the nurse, patronizing her with a rash and impatient tone.  
>'What do you mean, all out of painkillers? You're a hospital, so what should that mean?' He left a gap in his speech, but continued before the nurse could answer, 'It means you should be more hospitable!'<br>'Mr. Kick, in case you weren't aware, there was a dragon attack on the town less than four days ago. I ask you to be more patient with our service, as we have many injured to take care of right now.' She was just as annoyed as the blue patient, and didn't do much to hide it. I couldn't see her cutie mark through the dark pink set of scrubs she was wearing, but I could see that she had a white coat, with a Ginger mane and red eyes. She left the room in anger, muttering to herself about low pay.  
>'Geez, dude, did you need to be that brash?' I spoke before I could think, and the stallion looked at me, but he now had a slight look of regret.<br>'No, I didn't, you're right. My legs just being a pain, and I get a little snarky when I'm annoyed.' He spoke in a softer tone now, through a moderate English accent. I couldn't pinpoint the county or city, but I knew it was English.  
>'Eh, pain puts us in a bad mood. I'm Dubious Dick, by the way.' I braced myself for a smutty remark, and that's exactly what I got.<br>'Wow, I'd hate to be known for having ambiguous privates!' He chuckled, before wincing in pain and adjusting his suspended leg. 'My name's Spice Kick, local chef and inventor/tinkerer.' Spice gestured to the piece of equipment keeping his leg in the air. 'In fact, this little piece of work here was something I cooked up. I was cooking one day in my restaurant, but I realized I needed something to keep certain ingredients torqued while I cut them, but keep my hands free. So I came up with this thing. When I broke my leg falling off my ladder trying to change my roof candles, I didn't like how they made me keep my leg up on a wooden block. So, I got this thing brought here. They loved the design, and I've been commissioned to make more for the hospital when I'm able bodied again. Can't say they love me though, as you've seen, and I can't say I blame 'em.'  
>'I honestly think that's a great idea, and I'm happy to hear you've been commissioned for more of them. What restaurant do you cook for, anyway?'<br>'The Hollow Hoof Meal-house in lower east-side Ponyville. You should go, best nosh in a hundred miles!'  
>'I'll take your word for that, Spice.'<p>

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><p><strong>We talked for a good hour in a half, <strong>from recipe combinations and gadget ideas, to zombie fantasies and action stories. I told him about how I became injured and woke up in the hospital, and that I tried to take on a dragon by myself. He was impressed, and this fueled his imagination to last him another six stories full of action, blood, zombies and everything else.  
>'Hay, that's one heck of a story idea there, Spice.'<br>'What can I say? I like mutant blood!' We both laughed, before a Red coated doctor with a brown mane entered the room.  
>'Mr. Dubious Dick?' He spoke in a deep, monotone voice. 'You are now cleared to go. However, I advise you don't try to fly anytime soon, as your right wing has a minor fracture in the 2nd sector.' Not that I had noticed, I thought it was simply bruising pain I had been feeling in it. I only just realized then that it was coated in thin plaster, and the feathers were splayed in an odd pattern. At least I had an excuse for not flying for a while. 'Three friends have arrived to assist you home. They are waiting for you out in the entryway.' I turned to face Spice Kick.<br>'I'll see you around, buddy. Don't get too hot blooded with the nurses again!' We both laughed simultaneously, before he saluted me goodbye. I returned the favor, and left the room.

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><p><strong>Not much plot progression here, I'm sorry. However, I loved SpartanMJO12's OC so much I wrote him in with a big chapter. Nothing is cooler than an inventor chef. NOTHING. Except for fire breathing demons from planet Xzar. Still getting hits, yay! Nothing's cooler than to open up my email and receive 'Pen name: gooblyblench has favourited your story'! KEEP THE REVIEWS COMING! THEY REALLY HELP! Anyway, until next time! CIAO.<strong>


	15. Checking Out

Equestria's Outlander

Chapter 15

**I walked into the waiting room **to find Pinkie and the Doctor (the Time Lord Doctor) sitting next to each other, not communicating in the slightest; Pinkie was actually being quiet for once, and a look of worry had spread its way across her face. I cleared my throat to get their attention, causing them both to look up. Pinkie jumped in the air, screaming my name before giving me the biggest hug I had ever received. I hugged her back, and realized how lucky I was to be alive. She stepped back again, not embarrassed in the slightest by her public outburst, which no one had really paid attention to anyway. I looked over to the Doctor, who was smiling.  
>'Came as soon as I heard you were awake. I'd have thought they would keep you longer for recovery, seeing as you've been in a coma for the past two weeks. Doctor said you were fighting fit, however, and weren't being held back by your wing.' I moved it a bit to see how badly injured it was, but it only stung in the slightest.<br>'They would be right. Got a little help waking up in there, thanks to my pal Spice Kick. I guess you could say he really spiced up my day, and kick-started my morning!' Pinkie slammed a hoof to her face, shook her head and giggled.  
>'That was terrible.' I chuckled, acknowledging the poor quality of my attempted joke.<br>'The Doctor-not you, Doctor, the other one- said there were three visitors here for me. Where's the third got to?'  
>'I'm h.. H.. Here..' I saw a yellow hoof wave out from one of the seats, before a nervous looking Fluttershy crawled out from underneath.<br>'Hey, why were you hiding?'  
>'Well... I.. Um, came with Pinkie in case you needed help with your wounds.. You fought a dragon.. In case you needed, um, help, but then there were lots of people here, so I hid..'<br>'Thanks for coming Fluttershy. It really means a lot to me.' I smiled at her, and this time she managed to smile back. I turned back to Pinkie. 'So what happened with the dragon..?'  
>'Well, the Wonderbolts came in and they were all 'fwoosh' and then Rainbow Dash was all 'fweew' and she fly kicked it in the face, while the Doctor here was all 'bzzz' and..' She trailed off into more nonsensical gibberish. I turned to the Doctor.<br>'English version please?' He gave a short snicker.  
>'Well, the Wonderbolts were called in on emergency duty, and worked with Rainbow Dash to try and bring the beast down. Initially, they were unable to, so being in town I realized I would have to help. I went over as fast as I could, and used my sonic screwdriver against it. Equestrian dragons are, oddly enough, susceptible to high frequencies, and this dragon was so deterred by the sonic waves that it actually became stunned. While it was vulnerable, the pegasi managed to knock it unconscious and carry it to the mountains where it belongs. Both me and Twilight Sparkle agreed that this dragon was sent here, as it had no reason to be angered at this time. We both took to our research, and results are still inconclusive. Is there anything you know that might help?' I looked back at Pinkie, who was listening to our conversation with sincere interest, as was Fluttershy, who seemed rather frightened, and quite rightly so, by the idea of someone sending a dragon to attack Ponyville.<br>'Actually, Doctor, I think I might know something..' I said, motioning for him to talk with me in private. As we steeped out into an empty wing, I looked back and called to the girls 'Won't be a second, guys' before closing the door. I then proceeded to tell the Doctor exactly what I had been told and what I had seen while in my coma.

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><p><strong>Let's see what the Doctor knows! I have plans for Dick... Muahahaha! Updates may be less frequent now, as I'm trying to juggle 'ColtSmoke' as well, so I'll be updating two stories from now on. You should check it out! (Its not another self insertion, just to be clear). Its a bit more mature (or will be anyway) than this, however. I want to thank all my readers again, you make me feel like a special widdle butterfly! Anyway, 'til next time, folks! Ok, bye!<strong>


	16. Mars Backup Plan

Equestria's Outlander

Chapter 16

**'I think it's time to alert the monarchy.'** The Doctor was concerned with my story, but knew I wasn't lying and also that I wasn't delirious.  
>'What? We can't do that! They'll find out I'm a human with their magical beam rays of truth or some crap!' I hissed, wanting to keep as low a profile from royalty as possible. 'Hell, they might want to experiment on me! Make me some kind of super weapon and wipe my mind!'<br>I was starting to panic, as the Doctor put a reassuring hoof on my shoulder.  
>'Jakob.' I immediately stopped. That was my real name. I hadn't even told the Doctor that. How did he know? I backed away from him cautiously.<br>'How do you know my name? I NEVER told you that part, Doctor.' He sighed and shook his head, and said condescendingly  
>'Look, you haven't been keeping as tight a wrap on this thing as you think you have. You let it slip when we were discussing before, you obviously didn't even notice. I mean, you were saying stuff like 'throw your hands in the air!' at the party, everybody thought you were a bit weird, seeing as PONIES DON'T HAVE HANDS!'<br>'Ok, that time I was drunk. I didn't even know you were there, anyway.'  
>'Wow, you were drunk. We got up on stage at one point and sang Bohemian Rhapsody together. We were offered a songwriter's contract for it, seeing as nopony had ever heard it before. You were about to sign it before I sent you home with Pinkie.' I couldn't believe everything the Doctor was telling me. I felt like such an idiot. He continued on, 'What I want to tell you is, the Princesses are going to completely understand and believe your story. You of all ponies should know how things work around here, being a fan of the show and whatnot. Do you agree that we should tell them?' I mulled it over in my mind for a few seconds before replying.<br>'Fine, but we're taking the TARDIS to Mars at the first sign of a sedative.'  
>'Mars doesn't exist in this universe.'<br>'Alright then; Planet X, Omicron Perseii 9, the Carrot Top Galaxy, anywhere far from royalty's iron grasp. Then we'll wait for the search parties to give up and come back to Ponyville, saying we've been on a gambling trip to Las Pegasus.'  
>'You know, even for a human, you're pretty stupid sometimes.' He walked out the door, with me reluctantly following behind.<p>

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><p><strong>See? I can make this just as lighthearted even in these circumstances. Anyway, I'm sorry for such a short chapter after prolonging it for a while, but I will try to update as often as possible! It usually depends on how tired I am, because I can only really write before going to sleep... Yes, its strange, I know. Anyway, enjoy, still getting hits, which is AWESOME! Ok, bye!<strong>


	17. Not Even a Chapter

Equestria's Outlander

Chapter(?) 17

**I walked out into the waiting room**, behind the Doctor. He began to speak before I had the chance.  
>'Girls, Dubious and I need to talk with the Princess. Can you go and tell Twilight to send the Princess a letter? Tell her that she is to have important visitors.'<br>Fluttershy nodded slowly, while Pinkie started to frown.  
>'Where ya going?' She looked at me longingly, like a Dog begging for a steak.<br>'Pinkie,' I said, feeling guilty that I had to leave her again, 'I need to talk to the Princesses, but I'll be back soon. I'll only be gone a couple days, so don't worry..'  
>'Okey dokey lokey..' She replied, hanging her head, showing that everything was obviously not okey dokey. I had said what needed to be said, though, and she and Fluttershy left the room quietly. I turned to the Doctor.<br>'How're we getting there exactly?'  
>'A little blue box, of course.'<p>

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><p><strong>Sorry for such a small update, just want you guys to know I didn't die in a rubber duck avalanche. Anyways, glad to still be getting reviews. I have also been told that I have been using the word 'ciao' incorrectly, so I will now say 'blye' instead. That's about it for now, blye-blye!<strong>


	18. Meeting Royalty

Equestria's Outlander

Chapter 18

**That unforgettable**, half-scratching-half-wheezing sound rang through my ears as the TARDIS came to an apparent stop. Panicked voices could be heard outside, followed by a soft soothing of an elegant, yet authoritative cooing of a female. I looked over to the Doctor and he nodded, before proceeding to open the TARDIS doors and exit into a grand hallway. Upon exit, we were greeted by golden armor clad ponies of every size, each with a piercing stare and uniform movement. They moved to form a ring around us, organizing themselves without speech. They were incredibly imposing, and had an intense combined aura of authority between them. I started to realize we could be in some deep crap here, so I hushed to the Doctor whilst trying not to alarm the guards surrounding us  
>'Doctor, I thought you had a perception filter on this thing.'<br>He remained calm, and replied softly  
>'Yes, I do. Celestia, however, has made sure to enchant her troops' armor to counteract its effect. Therefore, they can see the TARDIS, and were alarmed by its sudden materialization. One of the contributing factors of why the filter is there in the first place.'<br>I was about to reply, when I heard the soft, echoing female voice I had heard before rise up against the guards' silence.  
>'I heard you mention my name, Doctor?' A white Alicorn with a flowing multicolored mane and shining white coat broke the ring of guards, and slowly approached us smiling. It was Princess Celestia herself. She was, to my surprise, much more intimidating in her size than I had expected, and stood around two heads higher than the guards at her flank. She had gentle eyes that lay a soft, caring gaze upon us. 'It's been a while since I last saw you and your toys, Doctor.' She giggled at him reminiscently, and also semi seductively. This caused a million thoughts to span across my mind, before I managed to snap out of it a second later. Celestia raised a hoof and pointed at me, before continuing. 'Found yourself another companion I see? I don't remember you traveling with colts Doctor.' She laughed a second time. It was now obvious to me that the two had a history together, whether that be a good thing or a bad thing I was yet to find out. The Doctor gave a small smirk back, and replied.<br>'No, actually. Dubious here is here on important matters. Something along the lines of prophecies, I might add.' Celestia's face suddenly took on a look of stern sincerity.  
>'Surely you don't mean the g-'<br>'Yes. The Guardian prophecy.' Celestia's eyes grew wide with what seemed to be wonder.  
>'Never once did I expect this to occur in my rule. I thought this would not happen for generations! Surely you jest, Doctor..'<br>'I joke not, Princess. Why, did the letter from your most trusted student not state that I was bringing important company?'  
>'That it did but.. This is beyond my belief. Why, the excitement is overwhelming!' Celestia was panting, and bore a large smile on her face. She brought her face towards mine, her eyes boring into the back of my head. 'Do you know what this means?' I was confused now; I really had no idea what being a guardian meant. I mumbled, trying to form a reply.<br>'A.. A p.. Party?' I grinned nervously, hoping I had made the right choice in thinking that this was good news to the Princess. She looked shocked at first, but then smiled softly again as she calmed herself down.  
>'Why yes, a celebration is in order. A banquet, no doubt! A feast for all of Equestria to gather for! For soon, a wondrous event shall occur! Doctor, Dubious, if you'll excuse me, I must inform my sister of this great news.' She took off, softly beating her gigantic wings. She left behind only a pack of disgruntled guards, who turned to me expecting an answer. I merely shrugged, and turned to the Doctor, just as confused myself. After a minute of awkward silence, me and the Doctor slowly backed into the TARDIS, and shut the doors, blocking out the discombobulated expressions of the armor clad ponies in the hall. I sat on the floor, still trying to comprehend what had just happened while the Doctor set the course for Ponyville.<br>'Doctor, why was sh-'  
>'You'll find out soon enough.' I decided not to ask again. I would probably just have to forget about it until the banquet.<p>

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><p><strong>This is me getting back on the ball, guys. Expect to start seeing updates again! Over 5.5k hits! WOOP WOOP! Overjoyed; thanks guys! Anyway, I'm off to kill pixels. Ok, bye!<strong>

**(Also, check out my other stories if you get the chance :D)**


	19. Back in Beige

Equestria's Outlander

Chapter 19

_**And I'm back! **_  
>I stepped out of the TARDIS, into a cool breeze that whistled as it rushed past my ears and tangled my mane. The sun had set, and the moon was again shining on the cobblestone road I now found myself on, just outside of Sugarcube Corner. I turned to bid farewell to The Doctor, and saw him slumped against the doorframe with an aura around him, emanating from the light within the blue box.<br>'I'll see you again at the feast, Dubious.' His face was stern, for an unknown reason. 'Rest up until the banquet- You're gonna need it.'  
>'Will do.' The Doctor turned to leave, before I stopped him again.<br>'Quick question before you go; when the hell is the banquet anyway?'  
>'I'm guessing two weeks. Princess Celestia will surely send word to Twilight Sparkle, confirming a date. I'll see you then.' With that, he turned back and entered, closing the door firmly behind him. The blue light on top started to flash, and the TARDIS started to fade from sight. The sound was even louder on the outside, and pierced my eardrums. The wind kicked up as it disappeared, chilling my fur and causing me to shiver rapidly. I turned, and walked toward Sugarcube Corner. I knocked on the door, hoping it wasn't as late as it seemed. After about five minutes, a rather tired looking Mrs. Cake answered the door.<br>'Sir, do you have any idea what hour it is?'  
>'Actually, I have no idea. Is Pinkie Pie in?'<br>The blue ice cream cone frowned, as she let me in, leading me up the stairs to Pinkie's apartment. She knocked on the door three times, before calling to Pinkie.  
>'Pinkie Pie, you have a visitor.'<br>A scrambling of hooves was heard, and the clip-clop of hoof steps as Pinkie approached the door. The doorknob began to turn, and the door jerked open.  
>'DUBIOUS!' She shrieked, before giving me a massive hug.<br>'Hegh.. Yeah, you really shouldn't be surprised I'm back considering how many times I've come back to you, y'know.' She backed off a bit, looking a bit embarrassed. Mrs. Cake rolled her eyes, before taking off.  
>'I'll let you two be, I'm going to bed. He better be paying rent!'<br>Pinkie waved me inside, and I walked in slowly. My body ached all over, and my eyes felt like sun dried raisins. Pinkie started to bounce up and down, excited she had get friend back to herself again.  
>'Oh, it's been so much more boring without you! But now you're back, and we can play and-'<br>I placed a hoof to her mouth, stifling her as my head began to throb.  
>'Actually Pinkie, I really need some shuteye. Turns out being in a coma really takes it out of you, y'know?' Contradicting my expectations, she didn't seem sad at all. Instead, she smiled warmly.<br>'Don't worry, I understand.'  
>'Cheers, Pinkie' I managed to utter, before succumbing to my own tiredness and falling into slumber upon her head.<p>

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><p><strong>I'm too tired for author's notes... Blurgh.<strong>


	20. Not Really Learning to Fly

Equestria's Outlander

Chapter 20

**I awakened** groggy and disillusioned. I had dreamt of dragons and space pandas, and wasn't sure if I was happy to wake up or not. This dilemma was settled for me when I looked upon the Pink earth pony beside me, and by some miracle she was still asleep. I placed my hooves softly on the floor, and tip toed out of the room. I realized I hadn't actually explored Ponyville on my own, as I crept downstairs and exited Sugarcube corner. I was greeted by a chilly breeze and birdsong, and I wished I had my favorite light blue hoodie from home. I walked down the stone road, the ground icy cool on my hooves. In just a few minutes, I found myself at the centre of Ponyville, the streets busy and the talk of eager folk filled the air. It must have been mid-day, as everypony seemed wide awake and full of energy. There wasn't a sad soul in sight. I thought about who I could meet, and where I could explore. I stretched out my wings, and I noticed that my broken one had healed much faster than I thought it would. Maybe it was something the Doctor had done to stop my complaining on the way to Canterlot in the TARDIS; it had healed up much faster than Rainbow Dash's had in 'Read it and Weep'. At the thought of Rainbow Dash, my mind formulated an idea that caused my heart to skip a beat. I could learn to fly. And of course, who would make a better teacher than Equestria's best flyer? I felt giddy at the thought of being able to spontaneously lift up into the air, and go wherever the hell I wanted to. I asked a local passerby if they knew where her cloud home was. They directed me to head somewhere about five minutes south. I thanked them, and began to head out, moving my wings as I did so to get a better idea of how to control them.

* * *

><p><strong>Rainbow Dash's<strong> cloud home was a magnificent sight to behold, consisting of the fluffiest white clouds that spilled rainbows from the sides, in a gushing fountain of pure vibrancy. I called out, to try and get Rainbow Dash's attention.

'Yo Rainbow Dash! It's Dick!' I waited a few moments, before a rainbow maned Pegasus flew out, who's sly grin showed she was desperately trying to suppress the mound of dick jokes she had in store. She yelled back, half laughing.

'Come on up, Dubious! You don't have to worry about being a dick around me!'

'Actually that's.. Kind of a problem..'

'Oh yeah, must be because cocks are flightless birds!' She laughed as she descended in an effortless glide. She landed next to me, and thumped me on the shoulder.

'I'm just pulling your leg, y'know. Well, your THIRD leg maybe. Anyway, what did you need?'

'Well, I sort of need.. To learn.. How to fly.'

She looked at me in confusion, not sure how I could have gone so many years as a Pegasus without learning. 'I know, its weird, but its complicated to explain. Trust me on that.' She shook herself out of her disbelief, and started to awkwardly explain.

'First.. Just, flap your wings?' I looked at her with a meek smile and flapped my wings simultaneously, while jumping in the air. I chuckled awkwardly.

'Nothin' doing.' Oh, this was going to be a long process.

* * *

><p><strong>The hours droned on <strong>and I could feel the useless flailing of my wings beginning to sap at my energy. Rainbow Dash had grown snarky, and even a tad spiteful.

'What's the point of teaching a Dick to fly? It still isn't gonna impress the mares.'

'Rainbow, please, I'm trying, give me a break!'

'I'll break one off in your flank if that's what you're asking for!'

I sighed, and held my head higher, so as to look her in the eye.

'Y'know what? Let's just forget this, it isn't helping either of us.'

She sighed, and took a deep breath. When she exhaled, a tired smile graced her portrait, and all tension between us alleviated.

'Yeah, I think that'd be best. I'll see you around sometime.'

'That'd be great. Well, I guess I'll see you around too. Peace out!' I did a mock salute, and began to head back to the thick of Ponyville. I heard a ruffling of wings behind me as Rainbow took off, and my heart sunk as I came to terms that I would have to stay grounded; a flightless penguin aside from his falcon brothers.

* * *

><p><strong>Hey guys! Sorry for the long lost update, and its short-ish length. I've had one hell of a month. I'm gonna be updating regularly again, as my exams have finished and my school term is just about over. I'm also planning to do a cover picture for the new image manager feature, that'll be totally hip-swaggity. Hopefully.<strong>

**Things that have kept me from updating (excuses):**

**-School. I come home absolutely drained. Not so much from the workload, but social predicaments and quite often arguments.**

**-Exams. I had to study up yo, be a little Studious Dick.**

**-Girl Troubles. Don't fall for a chick you're never gonna be able to be with. Just don't do it, it's not worth it.**

**-Animation. I've been slaving like a slaving slave over learning flash and after effects, in an attempt to become internets famuz. (Got recognised by Yotam Perel/LazyPillow/Lazymuffin for making an animation for his podcast. SWAG)**

**-Drawing. It's so addicting. I swear, as soon as I come in, I change and then pull up my intuos and get scribblin'.**

**-Filming. I'm super commited to helping my friends film for our joint YouTube channel, and that usually takes a large chunk out of my free time. Especially when we're filming for a school assignment.**

**-A certain piece of software. I was given access to something very awesome that I can't disclose to people. I spent the week I had it glued to my screen, going slightly insane about not being able to tell people. DON'T ASK, I WON'T TELL.**

**That's all I can really list right now, there's a few more I can't pinpoint right now due to having a weird memory. Oh well. I'll be back soon! PEACE OUT HOMEDOGS!**

**~Dubious Dick**


	21. Benchwarming

Equestria's Outlander

Chapter 21

**I walked around the outskirts of the town**, kicking random rocks across the dirt paths simply for the fun of it. After a good hour of walking, I grew quite tired. It was, from what I could tell, about lunch time. I could have made it to the nearest food supplier in about ten minutes, but I needed a rest first. I let out an obnoxious sigh, before lying on a nearby bench, which took residence on the edge of the path. I reclined into the hard wood, and cracked my back against the planks. The spot was cooled by the generous shade of a beautifully patterned oak tree, which sported leaves as green as chlorophyll could make them. The breeze was timid, and swept gently up my side, working between the strands of fur that spread across my torso. I closed my eyes softly, and prepared to rest, if only for a short while.

* * *

><p><strong>I was awakened<strong> by an aromatic, light scent, that flooded my welcoming nostrils with a sickly sweetness. I opened my eyes slowly, to see if it was being caused by something nearby. However, no immediate source of interest bought my attention, as all seemed calm and still. Just as I was preparing to leave, as my stomach was growling in demand of food, I heard a low grunt from about ten meters behind me. I whirled around, only to find a huge bear was wandering around the edge of the forest. I thanked the stars that it hadn't seen me, and quickly darted behind the tree I had been using for shade. I peered out from the side of the gnarled trunk, hoping the lumbering ball of bestial power would simply slip away into the dark curtains of the forest. However, to my absolute shock, I observed a little yellow Pegasus fly out from behind it, and start rubbing the bear's nose. My jaw dropped, before I realized that it could be none other than Fluttershy, who was brave in the faces of animals whether the beast be grand or small. She was cradling a jar of something which I immediately likened the sweet smell to: honey. The pot also contained a large spoon, which Fluttershy began to use to feed her giant friend. Swallowing some of my fear, I slipped round from behind the tree and crept closer, until I was within a close proximity of the pair. I stood on a fallen branch, which had disguised itself amongst the grass and bracken of the natural ground. It let out a piercing crunching sound, and the bear wheeled round towards me. The little yellow mare accompanying him almost jumped out of her skin, and instinctively flew behind the bear for protection. The bear fixed me with an intense gaze, but made no advance upon me. I heard a squeal from the hidden Fluttershy. I called out to her softly, to try and calm her nerves.  
>'Fluttershy? It's Dubious. Sorry if I scared you, I was just intrigued by your connections with this wondrous creature. I'll just be on my way, if you can tell your friend to let me go..'<br>I heard nothing but a squeak from Fluttershy, who couldn't even BEAR (sorry, had to be done) to look at me from behind her makeshift cover. I slowly began to back away, fixing the bears gaze with one of my own. After I had taken several steps back, it turned, and headed back into the dense labyrinth of trees and woodland that was its home. When I saw that it had gone, I turned and began to walk away, heart pounding heavily, cold sweat starting to break out on my back. I took a few more steps forward, before I heard a familiar voice from behind me.  
>'W... Wait up...'<p>

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><p><strong>Oh yeah! Another one already! Still getting that cover image sorted.. Might take a while. Ok, bye!<strong>


	22. Life's a Picunic

Equestria's Outlander

Chapter 22

**I laid out the** corners of a checkered picnic blanket, letting it billow softly before touching it to the ground. I glanced up and smiled at the pale yellow mare who had summed up the courage to ask me if I'd join her on a picnic.

'I'd be delighted to, Fluttershy!' I'd responded, eyes set on the jar of honey she had been feeding the bear from. Now, my stomach growled as we sat upon the rough cloth, and she opened her hoof-woven picnic basket. She withdrew a loaf of golden-crusted, white bread, a jar of jam and oddly enough, flowers. Puzzled, I observed the bread being cut and covered in jam by its timid yellow handler, before having hoof-fuls of flowers placed on top and topped with another piece of bread. She passed the peculiar flower sandwich to me, an innocent smile across her face. Not doing the best job of hiding my questioning expression, I slowly relieved her of the snack, staring at it as I drew it closer to my muzzle. Just as I went to take a bite, I hesitated, and said to my new companion

'Hey, um... Fluttershy? Are we.. Not trying to offend or anything it's just I..'

She lowered a flower sandwich she had made herself, and eyed me anxiously.

'What's wrong? I didn't d.. Do anything wrong.. Did I?'

'No, no, no! It's just.. Are we supposed to eat flowers?'

Fluttershy exhaled in obvious relief, and politely answered my apparently peculiar inquisition.

'Why, no! Many ponies eat them, I would have thought you would be one.. They're quite high in nutrition if you pick the right family.'

At that moment, I almost facehooved. All that time I had been starving, when I could've just wandered off and munched on some wild flowers. I mean, I was a HORSE now for God's sake. Now relieved of my previous disposition towards eating flowers, I took a bite into the sandwich. The jam was a viscous, fruity substance of quality I had never tasted before; and the flowers, oddly enough, complimented them beautifully. They consisted of a soft but crunchy texture not unlike watercress, and had a surprisingly sweet, almost citrus-y taste.

'Wow, these are actually great, Fluttershy!'

'Oh, no it's nothing..'

'No really! Where did you get the jam?'

'Actually, um.. I made it.. I also grew the flowers too..'

Luckily I had swallowed what was in my mouth, as my jaw dropped in surprise.

'Wow, Fluttershy! I had no idea you were an artisan with food!' I thought this would be more Applejack or Pinkie's domain! I'm pleasantly surprised!'

'Oh.. You're not startled, are you? I'd hate to have startled you, because that can be very startling..'

I chuckled, and smiled at her reassuringly. I shook my head slightly, and said softly

'Don't worry Fluttershy, you didn't startle me.'

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah, it's brief, I know. Put down your pitchfork(s). This chapter was a bit forced, not really sure how you can write a picnic so it flows organically :**


	23. Return

**I said my goodbyes** to Fluttershy, and dragged myself back across Ponyville towards Sugarcube Corner, my stomach full to the brim with glorious, magnificent honey sandwiches. I could've sworn I was generating a roll of fat with each step, as it seemed to get harder and harder to bring each hoof in front of the other. Even if I could fly, I'd probably look like some sort of concrete balloon floating around, absent from some peculiar cement-obsessed infant's birthday party. So, onward I went, contented as I could be with the pace I was heading forward at. I attracted odd looks from the familiar residents of Ponyville, as I slowly plodded along with my mouth pursed tight in case I was about to burst. There were fewer ponies on the street now, as the work day had finished and now the sun had started to set. I cursed my gluttonous state, as I realised I had left Pinkie without a goodbye on her own.. Again. It was really starting to develop into a bad habit, and I had to make it up to her in some way or another. I trotted on, through the swampy regret that clouded my mind revolving around my weighted gut. After about a good hour's walk, I finally reached what I now had come to call my own home. I had been given my own key to enter by Mrs. Cake, who had been inspired to do so by a certain late entrance of mine, accompanied by loud knocking and a call for allowance of entry. It was a quaint, steel crafted little key designed to look like a candy cane. It was adorable as it was practical. I slid it slowly into the lock, where it was greeted by the sounds of the lock's tumblers moving and sliding. The door sprung slightly open with a short but sharp crack, and I followed through on this movement to push the door wide open. The breeze rolled in from outside and blew over a couple of paper serving-bags, which resulted in a lacklustre crumple and followed by an unnerving silence. All the lights had been turned off, and the building seemed devoid of any noise whatsoever. Thick clouds had formed an overcast weather outside, which now dulled the light that filtered in through the windows, washing the building out with a sad grey, desaturating the usually vibrant colours of the candy and sweets. I cautiously stepped inside, the smaller hairs of my mane starting to stand on end. I was nervous now, something was obviously amiss, but what it was, I couldn't be sure. Where were the cakes? Why were they out so late? Why wasn't Pinkie here singing and dancing in her trademark way? I started for the stairs, to see if anyone was in their rooms, just catching an early night. As I made my way to the staircase, I felt a paper crunch beneath my hoof. It was a sheet of relatively fresh lined paper with a telltale hole at the top of the page. A thumbtack lay nearby on the ground, which must've been used to keep the paper in place, presumably on the store's notice board. I stooped to pick it up, and on close inspection found it read 'We're needed to make a special delivery to Manehatten, and we're taking the kids with us- Just keep the place tidy Pinkie, and don't get up to too much mischief with our newest guest! Have fun, C.C&C.C'. This would explain the absence of the cakes I thought, but still not where Pinkie was! In fact, it raised further questions into why she was not maintaining her post in the bakery. I continued to make my way upstairs, when I heard a low, rhythmic sound. Almost like a quiet sobbing. But surely Pinkie wouldn't have anything to be sad about? I continued upstairs, where I opened the door to Pinkie's room. That's when I saw her.

* * *

><p>Pinkie Pie's hair had gone completely straight, the natural curls in her hair seemed to have just given up. This was the second time I had seen her like this, but there hadn't been this morbid silence around her last time. I approached softly, trying not to startle or frighten her. I found my hoof fell upon some sort of discarded toy that must've belonged to the cakes' children, and it crunched between my toes. The piercing sound of cracking plastic slashed the silence, causing adrenaline to shoot up through my spine like ice. Pinkie whirled around, the fur on her face stained with hours' worth of tears. Her eyes were full of surprise, but they quickly melted into a look of joy and affection, as she cried out my name and scrambled up towards me, throwing her forelegs around my body as she buried her happily sobbing muzzle into my neck. I was at first startled, but made sure to hold her back after only a few moments had passed. We sat in silence for a good five minutes or so, before Pinkie brought her face up to take a lungful of air.<p>

'Pinkie.. What's the matter?'

She looked deep into my eyes, a way that she hadn't looked at me before, in such a way that her eyes cut deep into mine, and looked beyond me into my mind. She seemed to be at one with my thoughts for a second, and could control me in any way she so desired during that short contact. I finally faltered in returning my gaze, to which I shrugged off the feelings and reiterated my previous question.

'Pinkie..?'

'Dubious.. I..' She started, unusually taking time to say her words, pronouncing her syllables slowly and deliberately. 'Please.. You keep leaving me. I don't want you to go without saying goodbye..' Her voice was little more than a whisper, and cracked in pitch as she sought to fight back her tears. In this moment, I realised how close we'd grown, and how the way I was simply shrugging her off every now and again wasn't fair to her. I felt something strong coming from her, a feeling I could only see as love, something i had not oreviously paid much herd to. I looked her back in the eye, and gave her the simplest reassurance I could.

'I won't.'

* * *

><p><strong>Well well well, I finally came tack to attempt at finishing this after like 6 months of no updates. This chapter is largely symbolic ways way that I've put too much of the important, appreciated stuff on hold while I chased what seemed to her dreams, which resulted in no less than cheap thrills at the expense of my actual self. (Basically I got a girlfriend and then went 'Screw everything else!' then she broke my heart after only a 3 month relationship and 7 months of me trying to actually get with her. No time profit was made. But now Im returning to the parts of my life that really held creative purpose and importance to me, such as keeping the audience of this fic happy. Anyways I wanna give a big thank-you tthang of you who stuck around this long, and everyone who's helped me along the way. 'Til next time, folks (which may be sooner than you think)!<strong>


	24. Not a real chapter

Just an update to let everyone know I'm not dead

Ok here goes:

I'm not dead

And as far as Im aware I couldnt pen up a clever enough way to write myself out of this corner I wrote myself into

Especially as the show updated its canon etc and I couldnt keep up because I was getting bored of the later seasons

Sorry to disappoint anyone after all this time


End file.
